Six people registered, five showed up. After introducing ourselves, we began with a brief speculation: Why are so few people here? Such an important and somehow inevitable topic: grief in the workplace. People die, there are separations, dismissals, crises – in work contexts, in private life and in between, among colleagues, board members, managing directors, customers, friends. 

So why do so few people want to actively deal with the (emotional) consequences of death, separation, or dismissal, even though almost everyone has experienced them: grief, either their own or that of others?

• “It’s just not a developer issue.”
• “There is so little constructive part in it.”
• “It's just a taboo, people don't want to deal with it, they push it away.”
• “There is so much uncertainty surrounding death.”
• “We simply do not know what comes after death, and we do not know how we will react when loss strikes us; we do not devote ourselves to it because it is unpredictable.”

These were some of the theories we gathered. And, of course, we weren't quite the right people to answer the question, because we were there.

“Grief is the normal reaction to a significant loss” (Kerstin Lammer)

For Franziska Offermann, this is one of the most fitting definitions of grief, because grief as a process can lead to the healing integration of loss; it normalises the emotional response to a significant event. Another description says: “Grief refers to the natural, healthy and painful response of the organism to dealing with farewells, losses and separations.” (From “In the middle of the night, a new day begins” by Karina Kopp-Breinlinger and Petra Rechenberg-Winter)

Franziska Offermann was chairwoman of the Federal Association of Bereaved Parents and is still active there today. After a great loss that changed her life, the doctor of pharmacy has devoted herself to Lucera became self-employed in order to devote herself entirely to providing support in dealing with grief. 

Over the years, she increasingly witnessed the impact that loss has on companies and organisations – not only in terms of soft skills, but also in hard numbers, figures and facts. Significant losses are often reflected in balance sheets, and so Franziska increasingly focused on grief counselling in companies and organisations. Today, she works full-time as a board member at the Trauma Help Centre in Munich, combining her diverse experiences and insights into trauma, grief, yoga, polyvagal theory, non-violent communication and much more under one roof. 

Is it only deaths that trigger such reactions? 

What else do we have to say goodbye to in life? 

• from romantic relationships
• of children growing up and moving out
• from other relatives or friends
• of security in the professional field
• of ideas and concepts
• of places and home
• of idols and role models
• of habits.

Death certainly brings with it a loss that is irretrievable. And yet we know that other changes in an organisation, every transformation, also trigger a grieving process. We know from the Ecocycle that we need “creative destruction” before we can achieve “renewal”. The grieving process lies between these two stages. This applies to individuals as well as organisations. 

That afternoon, we focused on people, on what happens in the body during crises and grief processes. Franziska shared her knowledge and scientific findings with us about the central and autonomic nervous systems, the window of tolerance and polyvagal theory. 

You can read more about this on Franziska's blog: Capable of acting in a crisis – stability and confidence in the system, Capable of acting in a crisis – remaining stable and finding well-being and Stable and confident in times of grief and crisis. The three articles complement each other.

Condolences – offering support in times of grief

Following the extensive input, Franziska illustrated the knowledge using various models, to which one participant remarked how appealing and fascinating it was that Franziska still conjured up something haptic that allowed for a physical experience, even in the digital space. 

Then it was time to address the participants“ specific concerns. One team leader reported on a colleague who was so heartbroken after a break-up that she cried for weeks and could hardly work, but didn't want to stay at home either because ”everything was even worse there". What do you do in such a situation? As managers, we are responsible for many people – so how long do I have to take such a special situation into consideration? At some point, it also has economic consequences and puts strain on colleagues, among other things because they have to take on at least part of the work... and as a manager, I am not usually trained to deal with such crises. 

And, in another scenario, sometimes managers in large organisations are not that close to their employees, or the relationship of trust is not such that the reason for the grief, the reason for the change in behaviour, is disclosed by the person concerned. Franziska then recommends making appropriate contact with the colleague in question, establishing a connection, and finding out something about the needs of the grieving person. When experiencing serious loss, people need others who will support them in their grief and not sink into it themselves.

The acronym she developed for condolences provides helpful guidance in this regard:

B Focus on needs and relationships

E Empathy – listening attentively

I Individuality – grief is different

L Logistics – offering structures and agreements

E Relaxation – ensuring that this is also possible in the work context

I Integration – minimising (social) stress

D auer – Remember, data, it takes as long as it takes. 

As one client said: “Yes, I'm still grieving, because xy is still dead.” 

Making loss and grief, which we all experience in one way or another, an everyday occurrence by talking about it was the conclusion of our SOCIUS labour, which ended with a poem by Rainer Maria Rilke: 

“That is the meaning of everything that once was,

that it will not remain with all its heaviness,

that it may return to our essence,

interwoven within us, deep and wonderful”